Thursday, April 19, 2007

Cooking with Ernie - New on the Kittie Food Channel (K.F.C)

Good Evening. Hungry? Fritz and I are, frequently. Actually, our particular frequency is twice a day, and we're quite particular about strict observance of OUR schedule. Fritz taught me a thing or two about how to prepare, and ensure, a satisafactory feeding. I share some of this learning below. I'm still a humble apprentice of course. One day if we're all lucky, Fritz may post his masterclass.
Step one) Should commence approximately one hour before desired feeding. May be, indeed should be, continued in parallel with subsequent preparations: Begin with one or two plaintive mews, escalate throughout following hour and while adherring to further instructions, approach caterwauling levels as necessary. Modulate according to Feeder reaction.
Step Two) Prepare Vegetables. We all know Veggies are an essential part of a balanced diet. Obvious of course. However, please remember that ideally they should be thoroughly killed before consumption, according to illustration a. below.
Step Three) While escalting mewing towards louder levels, (see above), proceed to stalk your game (protein plays it's part too)! Birds, inevitably, popular; pigeons are top of the pops.! If an indoor-only cat, stalk as best as possible given the riduculous limitations and mime your obvious hunter -gatherer -bat around for a bit and then look up and say are you impressed - skills. Fritz demonstrates a classic initiation of Step 3 below:

Step Four) Meat and Veg having been symbolically acquired, we're close to actual feeding time. If necessary (sometimes, timing may be off and a few minutes are still left until feeding time), deploy "starvation roll with plaintive cry" move. Fritz may elaborate on this ancient and mysterious skill at later date if we are lucky: suffice to say, it's often confused (deliberately) with the common "rub my tummy I love you and am about to sleep regardless if you pet me or not" roll. One variation is demonstrated by the master below, (but which, do you know?):

Step Five) Proceed to Kitchen and observe the appropriate Feeder reactions to the preceeding preparations; enjoy thoroughly the resulting contents of the can of food..
I've no doubt been preaching to the choir here, but I like at least to keep my notes and to share. We were, after all, all young once, and I hope these observations may assist the youth who lack the kind of mentoring I enjoy from wise older Fritz.
Step Six) As if you needed to know, Fritz here demonstrates the standard position:

Bon Appetit! K.F.C. will return as soon as we have any variations upon proven proceedures.

4 comments:

Daisy said...

Thanks for the instructions! I never knew about the Starvation Roll with Plaintive Cry move. I am going to try it out!

The Meezer Gang said...

Haha! THis was great!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!

Pearl C. Pritchard said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! You've got that feeding prep down very well. (Fitz DOES look like a starving kitty as he rolls on his back and cries.)

Another thing you might try which can be effective is to just sit in front of your human and stare... bore holes into them! It drives them nuts.

BTW... did you know that one of the feeders of 40 Paws is also English?
I find that very interesting.

Forty Paws said...

Hi! Thanks for dropping by our blog. Yup, our Paw is from Colchester. He likes stuff like Branston's Pickle and big honkin' pickled onions!!! Yup.

Luf, Us